The Tightie Whitie story.....

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Staci Matheis

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OK, Travis..... Mr. TOXIC may think you're too young..... But I think you should learn now how to practice common sense..... Here's the story in his own words!







re: OK here's YOUR ammo Neeley by Toxic,8/8/2002 08:14 CT



Well Ken,



TOXIC did not originate with natural gas but as I told you, it most certainly enhanced the title. Picture this---Bunch of guys sitting in a remote fishing cabin after a long day on the water snacking on Slim Jim's, pickeled eggs, smoked oysters (from the can), Vienna Sausage and last but not least, big huge deli garlic pickles. Now the conversation turned to whether human natural gas was in fact flammable. I chimed in and said "why of course it is, didn't anyone see Mad Max and the Thunderdome, they ran a whole city on pig farts"? Well, a disagreement ensued and I was pressured to prove my point. Having prieviously experimented with human combustable emmissions, I knew I would win the argument but what I failed to consider in my equation was the intensity of the fuel source. This being an "up-scale" cabin, we had a mouse infested Lazy boy recliner. I was lucky enough to have snagged it for the evenings discussions. I preceeded to drop trou (but not my tightie whities, after all I didn't want to embarass the other guys) and hike my legs up on the edges of the recliner. I lit my trusty Bic and let loose with a stream of gas that could only be equaled by a rocket funny car at the dragstrip. Having totally mis judged the amount and purity of the fuel, ignition occured and it was like holding a match up to a can of hair spray. That's all well and good but another event took place that took a bad situation to worse----the intense blue flame fought wildly to find the source of the fuel traveling through my tightie whities and--- well, singed a very delicate part of my anatomy (Ken, does that make us brothers?). I threw my legs in the air causing the recliner to tip over backwards and rammed my head through the cheap drywall. There I sat with my head stuck in the wall and my underware burning like a one year old's birthday candle. They eventually freed me (I put out the fire).



TOXIC (if the name fits, wear it)
 
I am not for sure how I should reply to this. but I am ROFLMHO...sorry toxic.

BJ
 
TOX.....



I have passed that story on to more people than I can count! It has got to be one of the funniest stories I have ever heard - if not "THE FUNNIEST!"



Your delivery is priceless!



Someday, I hope I get a chance to shake your hand!

(Assuming you wash it first! LOL!!)



me!
 
Personally, I think the story should be printed on the back of your business cards. Better yet, have Mac or Fatrap draw a picture of you, head in wall, legs up, fire blazing and use it for your logo! LOL!!!



Rich D
 
Hey Me,

You need to give that one to Paul Harvey. I bet you it makes the national air waves.
 
BWAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA.....



Let's not resurrect the other incident...ok?
 
Ken..... You mean the story about how you got your grin.....





re: Emergency room visit t by Ken Neeley,8/6/2002 16:18 CT



Ok....nobody alive knows this because my uncle that witnessed it has passed away...

He took me on a fly-in fishing trip to Canada when I was 14. We were out on the lake on a hot August day, catching pike like you wouldn't believe. After a night of drinking his Colt 45's, I had the trots and we were 10 miles from the cabin, so we pull up to an island, and I just barely got my pants down and squatted over a log before I cut loose.

Anybody ever been to the north woods of Canada on a hot August day??? If so, you've encountered the horrendous creatures known as blackflies!!! A whole frikkin' swarm of 'em proceeded to attack my entire nether regions while I was squatted over that log. I got my pants up and lit out for the boat, after being bitten no less than a dozen times. We weren't due to fly out for two days, and the next morning, I was swelled up from front to back...tighter than a frogs arss, wasn't nothing gonna come out of there, no how no way and I still had the trots. Needless to say, it was the most uncomfortable 2 days of my life, and when they got me to the local clinic, I was never happier to see that nice nurse holding an enema and coming my way!!!
NeeleySelfPortrait.jpg
 
Me



Lucky you were holding onto the recliner or you could have launched yourself through the roof like a minute man missle.

You know if a guy could get a good grip on the nossle direction you could sit in a wheelchair and try for a few land speed records. The "Blue Flame Returns"

fatrap
 
Those are both absolutely classic stories, thanks for sharin' em, and givin me a chuckle today. :) egMike
 
Man, I am crying I'm laughing so hard! Me!, you've got to stop telling these stories, I'm running out of kleenex!

Tox and Ken are good sports for sharing the stories.

Tom
 
Dang fool has got to have them archived somewhere!!! And Neeley, I get just as many laughs out of yours at the Outdoors Shows....because you get to be in both......I'm not saying it was ME in the recliner!!LOL



TOXIC
 
Fatrap, Mike and Tom.....



Those stories weren't about "me!" and I wasn't the one who told them!



They were about TOXIC and Ken Neeley as told by themselves!

All I did was cut and paste!
 
I still pucker whenever I hear a buzzzzzzzing near me...

 
Funny this came up. I thought the best commercial on the Super Bowl was the farting horse. I was dying laughing but my wife just couldn't see any humor in it. Guess you had to have done it to understand. Women have a weird sense of humor. What could be funnier than a 3 foot flame shooting out of your arse! On the other hand, I really can't picture my bride bending over and lighting one off. Hutch
 
TOXIC -



I just got an e-mail from my old Friend, Ken. (From the "Prized Datsun 240Z" story.) He says "THIS IS SO FRIGGIN FUNNY, I ALMOST FELL OFF MY CHAIR!"
 
Yeah well I gotta tell you that it doesn't compare to "being there".....I've never seen a bunch of guys laugh sooo hard for sooo long. We're talking stomach cramps and purple faces. For the rest of the trip, they could not look at me with a straight face. They also got the pleasure of the added smell emphasis of burning cotton and I got the most complete bikini wax of all time...front to back.



TOXIC
 
Tim..... I kinda doubt that it's the food in ol' TOXIC's case..... I think he was born that way!
 

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