Men strike back

[fatrap]

MEN STRIKE BACK! ! ! !



We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from

the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1"

ON PURPOSE!



1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT! You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you

leaving it down



1. SOMETIMES WE ARE NOT THINKING OF YOU. Live with it!



1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.



1. DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR!, EVER! Long hair is always more attractive than

short hair. One of the big reasons guys' fear getting married is that

married women always cut their hair.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that

way.



1. Crying is blackmail.



1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT! Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not

work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!



1. WE DON'T REMEMBER DATES! Mark birthdays and anniversaries clearly on a

calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.



1. Most guys own two pairs of shoes - tops! What makes you think we'd be any

good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?



1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what

we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. CHECK YOUR OIL! PLEASE!



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,

all comments become null and void after 7 days.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to

answer!



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.

Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.



1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. WE KNOW

HOW TO READ A MAP



1. ALL men see in only in primary colors! Peach, for example, is a fruit,

not color. We have no idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



1. WE ARE NOT MIND READERS, WE WILL NEVER BE MIND READERS! Our lack of

mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "NOTHING" we will act like nothing's

wrong. We know you are lying! , But it's just not worth the hassle.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you

don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss

such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, ammo reloading,

motorcycle's or monster trucks.



1. You have enough clothes.



1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES



1. NO, NO, YOU REALLY HAVE TOO MANY SHOES!



1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.

No, it doesn't matter which quiz.



1. TOOLS are as exciting for us as handbags are for you.



1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND is a shape.



Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch

tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping

 

[James D.]

ha! LOL - camping, thats a good one.





jd

 

[Donald Fruge]

Did you notice that the whole list is numbered with the number "1". I love it....lol



Wolf

 

[Travis Smith]

What is mauve? Lol





T.S

 

[Scott Hammer TOXIC]

Travis,



Somewhere between salomon, chiffon and sea foam.



TOXIC

 

[Carli Drake]

Sorry I wasn't here to put in my 2 cents!!! heee heeee



Men are like......



.....placemats

they only show up when there's food on the table.



.....mascara

they usually run at the first sign of emotion.



.....bike helmets

they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.



.....government bonds

they take so long to mature.



.....copiers

you need them in reproduction but that's about it.



.....lava lamps

fun to look at it but not all that bright.



.....bank accounts

without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.



.....high heels

they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.



.....curling irons

they're always hot and always in your hair.



.....mini skirts

if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.



.....handguns

keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

 

[Bill McElroy]

>FEMALE PRAYER:

>Before I lay me down to sleep,

>I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

>One who's handsome, smart and strong,

>One who loves to listen long,

>One who thinks before he speaks,

>When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks

>I pray that he is gainfully employed,

>When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

>Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

>Massages my back and begs to do more.

>Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

>Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"

>I pray that this man will love me to no end,

>And never attempt to hit on my friend.

>

>MALE PRAYER:

>I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store. Amen.

 

[Gene B]

I love these kind of threads!!



Gene