Real Life Dilbert Quotes

[Larry Harp]

A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE DILBERT-TYPE MANAGERS.





HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:



1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building

using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next

Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This

was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond,

WA)



2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might

encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)



3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should

be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric

Boat Company)



4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more

important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United

Parcel Service)



5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant

manager, Delco Corporation)



6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been

working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll

let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota

Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)



7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."

Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)



8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When

I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to

miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could

change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."

(Shipping executive,FTD Florists)



9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not

going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T

Long Lines Division)



10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him

concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would

be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have

waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards Executive)

 

[Larry Harp]

I thought I'd add my own personal favorite:

When I was in the Air Force I was in Security Police. One Halloween night just as I was going on duty for a midnight shift the desk sergent dispatched me and a Sergent to investigate a theft on "Commanders Row", which is what we called the street where the Base Commander as well as other high ranking Wing and Squadron commanders lived. Everyone of them had a little sign in the front yard with their name, rank, and what they were the commander of. The theft was one of these little signs...obviously a Halloween prank. The sergent and I talked the victim of the "crime", a full bird Colonel and he says to us, "Oh, the sigh is no big deal. I just wanted to let you guys know it was missing in case somebody found it you would know who it belonged to". The Sergent and I just looked at each other and said, " Yes, sir".



Harpo

 

[Staci Matheis]

Those are just too good - and too true, Harpo!! :lol: