Larry Harp
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2002
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Recieved this in e-mail today. So many of the observations seemed to fit some of the memebers here I just had to add some names. Hope all oh you have fun with it. Feel free to make changes and additions.
Harpo
Observations on Life...
1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
Who could this be?...
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Simnitro...
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss.... The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Mike Snow...
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
Mac...
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
Toxic...
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
Dewey...
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling too.
Carlos III.....
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
Mini....
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
This couldn't be Teri....
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
JR...
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
Rob...
12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"
Travis's father...
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
BJ....
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Harpo....
15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Greg Meyer....
16. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Rich Stern....
17. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Sue D....
18. My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
19. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Trepper....
20. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
21. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Harpo
Observations on Life...
1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
Who could this be?...
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Simnitro...
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss.... The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Mike Snow...
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
Mac...
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
Toxic...
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
Dewey...
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling too.
Carlos III.....
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
Mini....
9 My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
This couldn't be Teri....
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
JR...
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
Rob...
12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite!"
Travis's father...
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
BJ....
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Harpo....
15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Greg Meyer....
16. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Rich Stern....
17. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Sue D....
18. My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
19. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Trepper....
20. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
21. Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
