Marines Anonymous- may be offensive and long

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Carlos Hathcock III

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What ya think Greg my brother :)



Marines Anonymous

1. I am a Marine, I have a problem. This is the first step to recovery...



2. Speech:

-Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it

is not 0530 or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).

-Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, work out, get used to it.

-"F *ck" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try um".

-Grunting is not talking.

-It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"

-People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC



3. Style:

-Do not put creases in your jeans.

-Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.

-A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.

-A high and tight looks really dumb. -So does a low reg, but not as bad.

-A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.

-you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.



4. Women:

-Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.

-Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.

-Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.



5. Personal accomplishments:

-In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.

-Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.

-How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.

-The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.



6. Drinking:

-In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"

-That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.

-That time you went to the combat medic school and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter and should not be used on a resume



6. Bodily functions:

-Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".

-The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.

-You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is

-VD will also not be funny



7. The human body:

-Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.



8. Spending habits:

-One day, you will have to pay bills

-Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.

-Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.

-One day you will need health insurance



9. Interacting with civilians

(AKA YOU):

-Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat is not normal.



10. Real jobs:

-They really can fire you.

-On the flip side you really can quit.

-Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.

-Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.

-Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800



11. The Law:

-Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.

-Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested

-Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job

-Fig
 
Hey, I resemble a lot of those and I'm not Military!! Specificaly both # 6's. WoooHoooo!! No wonder CII and I get along!!LOL



TOXIC
 
OMG! That reminds me so much of a guy I know, a retired Gunny. He still does the creases in the shirts and his first method of persuasion with disinterested clerks at the DMV is to grab them by the front of the shirt and pulling them over the desk.

I would send it to him but I'm afraid it would be too much of a wake-up call.

BTW. I am offended...I never scored with an Air Force girl and I was in the Air Force. :-(



Harpo
 
Carlos...



It is just a jealousy thing... And, on a very personal plane... yeah so what if it does change you...



Well, I've gotten fat... Can't run with these knees and a few pushups would do me some good... I can still fight... And, the answer is usually; "I won". I have too little hair to cut very often... And, I haven't got any creases anymore... Don't wear a hat indoors, though.



Oh, and when St. Peter asks me if I'd like to come on in... I'll respond with; "Sir, yes sir"! (Since Carlos reminded me) And, I'll take a salute from the guards and return it...
 
Geeez, you guys sound like Airborne Army:)

I'm with Greg though I am losing weight. Knees and back rule out any running. A push up is when I try to get out of a chair. I can still fight but even if I win I'd be in the hospital for some time. I keep my hair short because it's so easy. Don't crease my shorts and always take off my hat when indoors.. Yes SIR! just naturally comes out.



Bill
 
Thanks Carlos ,I'll now be able to communicate with my son more effectively the next time he calls.



He's at Twenty-Nine Palms till April if you ever get out there.I believe he will be moving into the "Hilton" soon.



Mark
 
If only I'd have known that Air Force girls were easy, I wouldn't have spent so much time at the Navy base enlisted club....lol!



TJ
 
Carlos



I just spent two days in Pensacola a lot of it on the Navy Base I was in the company of a retired Marine Major but was asked multiple times on base if I was retired Marine. Tell you anything about my personal appearance and behavior?

fatrap
 
Carlos,I'll find out and let you know.It would be great if you can look him up while your there.Give him some sh''t first and then tell him who you are.We want to keep him on his toes.haha



Mark,
 
Mark,

Ok sounds good! I will be home late next week. Go ahead and email me the info.



Carlos
 
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