Here's Good One...

[Larry Harp]

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast.



They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of

snow today.



You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the

snow ploughs can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.



A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer

says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your

car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get

through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.



The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer

says "We are expecting 12 To 14 inches of snow today. You must park............"



Then the electric power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a

worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do.

Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get

through?"







With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married

to blondes exhibit, Norman says...........







"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time

 

[Larry Harp]

Hey, I don't write these jokes....I just cut & paste.



Harpo

 

[Larry Harp]

O I C....I thought you were talking about the spelling. :wacko:



Snow is the white stuff they get 1/2 an inch of in Dallas once every other year that completely immobilizes the city, gives the school kids a day off, and a financial shot in the arm to every paint & body shop in the area and is melted by lunchtime. The farther north of the Red River you go the less this is true.



Harpo

 

[Aaron Scott2]

:lol::lol::lol:

 

[Steve Rizza]

Pat,

you're missing out on all the fun...





DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER



December 8:

6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge, soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.

I love snow!



December 9:

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks this afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!



December 12:

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would beatiful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.



December 14:

Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to *20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I

would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.



December 15:

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.



December 16:

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.



December 17:

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.



December 20:

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. freakin' snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.



December 22:

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.



December 23:

Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's damn well lying.



December 24:

6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who drives that s

 

[Greg Meyer]

Mr. Goff,



Your "attitude" and arrogance (lucky SOB) has earned you (on behalf of all of my northern brethren) my undying (teeth grit here) "jealousy".... For which I will await the moment of "payback"... (which will be with enthusiasm, somehow)....

 

[Steve Rizza]

I have never had to chase illegal immigrants out of my yard....



I have never seen a tornado....



I have never seen a "wild fire"....



Hurricanes only spoil my fishing for one day......



Earthquakes , never felt one.......



Also never had a naked "gay pride parade" in my town........



A drive-by shooting in my town,,involves a lifted pickup truck, a case of beer, and a 8 point buck...







I'll stick with some snow every year.