JEFF WHITE
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2000
- Messages
- 877
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The following are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare
Department in applications for support (no bull)
1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children.
I had seven but one died which was baptised on a half sheet of paper.
2. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two
years old. When do I get my money?
3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited
regularly by the clergy.
4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?
5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.
7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living
with can't do anything until he knows.
8. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son
illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I
hope this is satisfactory.
10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my
3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.
11. My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had
any relief since.
12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an
immortal life.
13. You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
14. I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night
and day.
15. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the
doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve,
I will have to send for another doctor.
16. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envelope.
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the
California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday
Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the
same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns
don't kill people. I do."
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too ____-faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive
lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a
flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Department in applications for support (no bull)
1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children.
I had seven but one died which was baptised on a half sheet of paper.
2. I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two
years old. When do I get my money?
3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited
regularly by the clergy.
4. I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?
5. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.
7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living
with can't do anything until he knows.
8. I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son
illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I
hope this is satisfactory.
10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my
3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.
11. My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had
any relief since.
12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an
immortal life.
13. You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
14. I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night
and day.
15. I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the
doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve,
I will have to send for another doctor.
16. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envelope.
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the
California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday
Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the
same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns
don't kill people. I do."
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too ____-faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive
lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a
flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
