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Steven Parker

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With college football (the greatest sport in the world) just around the corner, I thought I would share this with everyone.



Roll Tide!



SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL



Women's Accessories:

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a

fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary - that's what dates

are for.



Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.



Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.



Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.



Cheerleaders:

NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.

SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, &

gymnastic training.



Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and

purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus &

put name on the waiting list.



Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because

they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few

hung-over students that might actually make it to class.



Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game

parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the

weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.



Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to

where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the

idiots up north.



Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio

station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking

accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over

during breaks and ask for a hit off the bottle of bourbon.



Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the

state's third largest city.



Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it,

filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Captain

Morgan/Crown.



When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.



The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Captain Morgan/Crown.



Commentary (Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "D@mmit, you slow sum***** - tackle him and break his legs."



Commentary (Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "D@mmit, you slow sum***** - tackle him and break his legs."



Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in

his eye because he is so proud of his team.



After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the

nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's

game.





Nothing else in the universe comes even hal
 
Until I can go to a northern football game in short sleeves and without a heavy jacket in November, I'll stick to the SEC.



Hotty Toddy!!!
 
let me juts sya this go uconn all are home games are sold out:D
 
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus &

put name on the waiting list.

At OU it's more like be born into a family with season tickets and donate several thousand dollars per seat.



:lol:

BOOMER.........................................................................................SOONER

BOOMER...............................................................................................SOONER


stoops.jpg






Harpo
 
LSU is #1 and there is nothing like death valley on a saturday night.

the SEC in general ranks #2.

and then there are the rest, you know; OU, USC, etc.

GEAUX TIGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!:D:D
 
Yeah, Good Luck with that new coach you boys got. Most of my Aggie friends were more than happy to see him go. I think you'll find he's Les than what you had.;)



Harpo
 
Yeah, i will definitely agree with that, Harpo, but since I bleed PURPLE AND GOLD, I gotta believe! Hopefully, He'll surprise me.:wacko::unsure::huh::rolleyes:

Good luck to your Sooners And hope to see an LSU VS OU REMATCH:eek::eek::eek:

scott
 
Got to agree with RSG - Death Valley on a Saturday night is one he!! of an experience/PARTY!

Glad its not in Jackson anymore.
 
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