TOP SECRET...FOR MEN ONLY!!

[Larry Harp]

Female Score Card

Finally we know how to play this game!



Men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women for thousands of years, Finally, this guide helps you understand just how it works.

Always remember, to make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and you lose points. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Hey, it's her game, you might as well learn how to play.



SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed................................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......-1

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-2

You leave the toilet seat up....................................-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..............+5

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.............-2

You go out to buy her extra -light panty liners with wings......+5

in the rain.....................................................+8

but return with beer............................................-1

and no pads.....................................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.......................+1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..............nada

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something............+5

You pummel it with a six iron...................................+10

It's her cat....................................................-40



AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party...........................nada

You stay by her side for a while, then leave

with a drinking buddy...........................................-2

Named Tiffany...................................................-20 Tiffany is a dancer.............................................-50

With breast implants............................................-100



HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.......................................+1

You buy a card and flowers......................................+2

You take her out to dinner......................................+5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............+6

Okay, it is a sports bar........................................-20

And it's all-you-can-eat night..................................-30

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face

is painted the colors of your favorite team.....................-40



A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal...................................................nada

The pal is happily married......................................+1

The pal is single...............................................-10

He drives a Ferrari.............................................-20

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....................-30



A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.........................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes...............................+5

You take her to a movie you hate................................+8

You take her to a movie you like................................-5

It's called Death Cop III.......................................-10

it features Cyborgs that eat humans.............................-15

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-20



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly..............................-15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose

jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.................................-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".................-1000



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dr

 

[Travis Smith]

Remind me to never get married.......









T.S.

 

[Larry Harp]

You are very wise, Butterfly.



Zen Master

 

[Steve Rizza]

Now that we know the rules of the game,they will just go and change them anyhow.



I used to try and figure them out,but no more,it's impossable.Women will let you think you have them just about figured out,then WHAMMO,your standing there scratchin' your head like a monkey.

That's really all that I have learned about women in my 32 years of life,and 11 or so of marriage.LOL



Steve

 

[Rich D]

Travis,



Remember, men are from mars, women are evil.



Rich D

 

[Travis Smith]

LOL









T.S.

 

[Larry Harp]

I've always said that I married for better or worse...

I couldn't of done better...

and she couldn't of done worse.



Harpo

 

[Travis Smith]

Sooners on a roll....lol







T.S.

 

[Bruce Freeman]

Remember life is the only game you will not get out of alive and life with a woman can make you wish the game was over..

BF

 

[David Butler]

after 40 years of marriage, forget the rules just say "yes Dear"

Dave

 

[TOMMY RICH]

Honey..."I didn't hear a word you said"! "You know I have bad hearing at my age"!... "Did you hear that bass jump"!

TEE

 

[Scott Hammer TOXIC]

Actually got my wife to laugh with this one.....



Dear being married to you for 13 years feels like 13 minutes.























Underwater.





TOXIC

 

[Travis Smith]

You should see Jeff Foxworthys skit in the movie Blue Collar Comedy Tour about him being married and getting trained by his wife after 5 years of being together.





Funny stuff.





T.S.