JEFF WHITE
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The Diary of a Snow Shoveler
December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of
the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds
again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt
like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This
afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll definitely
have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad
he's our neighbor.
December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life! The snow plow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a
4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on
twice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for
an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to
go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it
to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to
death in my own living room.
December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of
the damn stuff last night... More shoveling. Took all day. Damn
snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas
because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably
won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go
out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed,
pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob
who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says
he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.
December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What
is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did but I think she's lying.
December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the JERK
who d
December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of
the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds
again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white
snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the
best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt
like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This
afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll definitely
have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll
have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad
he's our neighbor.
December 14 - Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life! The snow plow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a
4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on
twice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for
an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to
go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the
blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it
to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to
death in my own living room.
December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of
the damn stuff last night... More shoveling. Took all day. Damn
snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas
because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably
won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go
out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed,
pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob
who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says
he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.
December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What
is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did but I think she's lying.
December 24 - 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the JERK
who d
