JEFF WHITE
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2000
- Messages
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A big burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the
minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your
attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in the
district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and
the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into
the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which
amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who
you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkercheif to his eyes.
"I'm the landlord," he sobbed.
***************************************************************
Two cannibals met one day.
The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a
tender missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've
stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of
marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?"
The first replies, " You know. the ones that hang out at that
place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks
with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with
a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, ha!!" the second cannibal replies, "No wonder . . . those
are friars!"
***************************************************************
Subject: Blonde in different degrees
1st DEGREE:
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the
morning. The wife (undoubtly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE:
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a makeu compact
on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second
blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!
3rd DEGREE:
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that is easy: "W"
4th DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her that she was
pregnant? "Is it mine?"
5th DEGREE:
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrible accident.Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped, "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Why, yes, Officer, I'm just fine." the blonde chirped. "Well,how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...." "Uh, ma'am,"the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
6th DEGREE:
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, s
minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your
attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in the
district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and
the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into
the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which
amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who
you are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his handkercheif to his eyes.
"I'm the landlord," he sobbed.
***************************************************************
Two cannibals met one day.
The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a
tender missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've
stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of
marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?"
The first replies, " You know. the ones that hang out at that
place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks
with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with
a funny ring of hair on their heads."
"Ah, ha!!" the second cannibal replies, "No wonder . . . those
are friars!"
***************************************************************
Subject: Blonde in different degrees
1st DEGREE:
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the
morning. The wife (undoubtly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
2nd DEGREE:
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a makeu compact
on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second
blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!
3rd DEGREE:
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that is easy: "W"
4th DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her that she was
pregnant? "Is it mine?"
5th DEGREE:
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrible accident.Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped, "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Why, yes, Officer, I'm just fine." the blonde chirped. "Well,how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...." "Uh, ma'am,"the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
6th DEGREE:
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, s
