Larry Harp
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2002
- Messages
- 5,678
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1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion... Suddenly you're in bed with a close relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I
said, "Implants?" She slapped me.
4. I don't do drugs... At my age I get the same effect just standing up real fast.
6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
7. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and that A-hole you married.
8. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
9. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
10. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
11. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... But, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Dayum...that was fun!"
12. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have to go to excersise class!
13. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
14. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
15. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
16. Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
17. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
