JEFF WHITE
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Two Navy Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, A Marine got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Marine kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Marine, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Marine's boot and spit in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it. The Marine returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" the Marine asked. "This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"
At the end of the night a Marine leaves a bar.
Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over. He proceeds to kick her several times and when he's done he bends down to her and says, "Not as tough as a Marine, are you Batman?"
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE! The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE! The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE! Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The sailor says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
There was a Marine who had four daughters. He was in a habit of worrying about his daughters and always answered the door with a sawed-off shotgun.
One night he hears a knock at the door and finds a young man standing there. The young man says, "My name is Freddy. I've come to pick up Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. I hope she's ready." The Marine thought that was cute so he let them go out.
Pretty soon another knock on the door and another young man was there. He said: "My name is Lance. I've come for Nance. We're going to a dance. Is she ready by chance?" Again, the Marine thought it was cute and let them go.
Soon another knock on the door with yet another young man standing there. He said: "My name is Moe. I'm here to get Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" Once again the Marine thought it was cute and he let them go.
Again there was a knock on the door and a young man was standing there. He said: "My name is Chuck..." Blam! The Marine shot him.
A Sailor is relieving himself in the head when a Marine walks in and steps up to the urinal beside him.
After a few seconds the Sailor finishes, shakes, zips and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. The Marine also finishes, zips-up, and walks to the door.
Just then the Sailor says, "Hey Marine! When I was in boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands when we finished!"
The Marine looks at the Sailor and says, "When I was in boot camp, they told me not to piss on my hands."
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll run into a couple of Marines who
were in here earlier saying the sa
Just before take-off, A Marine got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Marine kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the Marine, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Marine's boot and spit in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it. The Marine returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" the Marine asked. "This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"
At the end of the night a Marine leaves a bar.
Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over. He proceeds to kick her several times and when he's done he bends down to her and says, "Not as tough as a Marine, are you Batman?"
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE! The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE! The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE! Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The sailor says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
There was a Marine who had four daughters. He was in a habit of worrying about his daughters and always answered the door with a sawed-off shotgun.
One night he hears a knock at the door and finds a young man standing there. The young man says, "My name is Freddy. I've come to pick up Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. I hope she's ready." The Marine thought that was cute so he let them go out.
Pretty soon another knock on the door and another young man was there. He said: "My name is Lance. I've come for Nance. We're going to a dance. Is she ready by chance?" Again, the Marine thought it was cute and let them go.
Soon another knock on the door with yet another young man standing there. He said: "My name is Moe. I'm here to get Flo. We're going to a show. Is she ready to go?" Once again the Marine thought it was cute and he let them go.
Again there was a knock on the door and a young man was standing there. He said: "My name is Chuck..." Blam! The Marine shot him.
A Sailor is relieving himself in the head when a Marine walks in and steps up to the urinal beside him.
After a few seconds the Sailor finishes, shakes, zips and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. The Marine also finishes, zips-up, and walks to the door.
Just then the Sailor says, "Hey Marine! When I was in boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands when we finished!"
The Marine looks at the Sailor and says, "When I was in boot camp, they told me not to piss on my hands."
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll run into a couple of Marines who
were in here earlier saying the sa
