Election 2004

[Rob LaMoy]

OFFICIAL 2004 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION PROGRAM







6:00pm- Opening flag burning ceremony.

6:30pm- Anti-war rally no. 1.

6:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:00pm- Tribute theme to France.

7:10pm- Collect offerings for al-Zawahri and al-Sadr defense fund.

7:20pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:25pm- Tribute theme to Spain.

7:45pm- Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)

8:00pm- John Kerry presents one side of the issues

8:25pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:30pm- Terrorist appeasement workshop.

9:00pm- Gay marriage ceremony.

9:30pm- * Intermission * (Refreshments hosted by Ted Kennedy)

10:00pm- Flag stomping and defacing ceremony

10:15pm- Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.

10:30pm- Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'

10:40pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:50pm- Pledge of allegiance to the UN.

11:00pm- Double gay marriage ceremony.

11:15pm- Maximizing Welfare workshop.

11:20pm- John Kerry presents the other side of the issues

11:30pm- 'Free Saddam' pep rally.

11:59pm- Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate.



12:30am - Ted Kennedy puts another rental car at the bottom of the river with another body in it and "forgets" to notify authorities.

 

[Rob LaMoy]

That's the Saturday fund raiser along with the "needles and pipes for crackheads" awareness seminars, it's in conjunction with the "tolerance to sex offenders and murderers" events.

 

[Bob G.]

I laughed my arse off!!



Bob G.

 

[Michael Stalnaker2]

It's amazing, when I tell my GOP friends that as a Democrat, I most likely own more guns and I probally spend more time in the woods and on the water than they do.

The dumbfounded look on their faces gets me every time...



Michael Stalnaker

 

[fatrap]

Love the Ted Kennedy part.LOL

fatrap

 

[Rob LaMoy]

Which one? I added the 12:30 part myself.

 

[VA Chris]

I think we should stick to fishing

 

[fatrap]

Rob



Liked em all I'm not a Ted Kennedy fan at all. I think he should be in jail. If that Mass. swimming lessson happened to me Bubba and I would we celerbating or silver jailcell anniversary.

fatrap

 

[Rob LaMoy]

Of course, but your last name is not Kennedy! If it were me, I would have been swingin from a tree or fried...BBQ style. But for ole Teddy, just another day of drunken stupidity and "bending" the law.

 

[Bruce Moore]

 

[Bruce Moore]

Rob, here's another one making it's rounds:



> > >

> > >

> > > OLD VERSION:

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

> > > house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks

he's

> > > a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,

the

> > > ant is warm and well fed.

> > >

> > > The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > MODERN VERSION:

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

> > > house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks

he's

> > > a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,

the

> > > shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why

> > > the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are

cold

> > > and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the

> > > shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable

home

> > > with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp

contrast.

> > > How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor

grasshopper

> > > is allowed to suffer so?

> > >

> > > Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody

> > > cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson

stages

> > > a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations

film

> > > the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel

> > > down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

> > >

> > > Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings

> > > that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both

> > > call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair

> > > share."

> > >

> > > Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper

Act,"

> > > retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for

failing

> > > to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left

to

> > > pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

> > >

> > > Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a

> > > defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel

of

> > > federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent

welfare

> > > recipients. The ant loses the case.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of

> > > the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens

> > > to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't

> > > maintain it.

> > >

> > > The ant has disappeared in the snow.

> > >

> > > The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the

house,

> > > now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the

once

> > > peaceful neighborhood.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

 

[Rob LaMoy]

I saw that one the other day. Awesome!