Hollywood Squares - These are goooood!

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Mark Hofman

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Subject: Hollywood Squares



These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.)





Q: Do female frogs croak?

A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.



Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.



Q: True or false - a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes.



Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.



Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.



Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.



Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?

A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.



Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get it."?

A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's come from the next apartment.



Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?

A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!



Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.



Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?

A: Charley Weaver: Of course not; I'm too busy growing strawberries!



Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.



Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.



Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.



Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.



Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark?



Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.



Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!



Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?

A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.



Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?

A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!



Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?

A: Charley Weaver: A divorc
 
Oh my God, I'm still laughing, and when reading those I swear I could almost "hear" the celeb's voices, especially Paul Lynde's unforgettable one liners....egMike
 
I can't believe you posted that,..deja vu man!!! Last night on TV i saw a show called TV game shows greatest moments. It was hilarious!!! Bloopers and out-takes of all of those old shows....I was dyin'!! TV nowadays is sooo lame compared to those old game shows.....Hollywood Squares is still okay sometimes, but Paul Lynde was truly a classic!!

Thanks for posting,...I was laughing outloud!! LOL!!!

Mac
 
I was in tears... absolute tears... Rose Marie.... Perfect Score... Ralph the pin boy!!!!! ANd, Charle Weaver... No, I'm too busy growin g strawberries... These people had a great sense of humor, timing, and a quick wit...
 
I didn't know a goose could bark..........







Mac, was that the show with Ed McMahon and Dick Clark - when they kept building up to the out-take from the Newly Wed Game? I saw that some time ago and it was hilarious! I never did watch the game shows much - but you sure are right about the timing of the panelists on Hollywood Squares!



Thanks, MO!
 
Mac,

I saw the same show...I was laughing my a$$ off and Rhonda kept coming in the room asking if I was alright!!!
 
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